


yeehaw its a haikyuu chat fic

by orphan_account



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Agender Kozume Kenma, Agender Sugawara Koushi, Alternate Universe - College/University, Established Relationship, F/F, F/M, FTM Bokuto Koutarou, FTM Hinata Shouyou, FTM Nishinoya Yuu, FTM Yaku Morisuke, Genderfluid Yamaguchi Tadashi, Group chat, Implied Sexual Content, Iwaizumi Hajime Is So Done, M/M, MTF Kageyama Tobio, MTF Yachi Hitoka, Multi, Nonbinary Akaashi Keiji, Nonbinary Hanamaki Takahiro, Nonbinary Oikawa Tooru, Other, Team Parents Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi, Trans Bokuto Koutarou, Trans Hinata Shouyou, Trans Kageyama Tobio, Trans Nishinoya Yuu, Trans Yachi Hitoka, Trans Yaku Morisuke, chat fic, everyone is just fucking gay as shit god damn, okay fucking listen, tsuki is ooc kinda? Uhhh imagine if he was like this in college tho, we talkin bout the same ppl? tobio? tooru? huh????, yall really tryna tell me these mfs cishet? hmm i dont think so bih
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-15
Updated: 2018-10-15
Packaged: 2019-08-02 17:41:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16309718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: follow me on twitter: @ kneeshinoya<3 thankies for reading fools





	yeehaw its a haikyuu chat fic

**Hinata Shouyou made the chat!**

**Hinata Shoyou named the chat: Karasuno Fools**

**Hinata Shouyou added Kageyama Tobio, Tsukishima Kei and 11 others to the chat!**

 

 **Tsukishima Kei:** I disagree

 

 **Kageyama Tobio:** with what?

 

**Tsukishima Kei left the chat!**

 

 **Yamaguchi Tadashi:** Tsuki you asshole

 

**Yamaguchi Tadashi added Tsukishima Kei to the chat!**

 

 **Tsukishima Kei:** stop it you fucking traitor

 

 **Kageyama Tobio:** shut up you absolute spoon

 

 **Tsukishima Kei:** what the f cuk

 

**Hinata Shouyou added Oikawa Tooru, Kuroo Tetsurou and 2 others to the chat!**

 

 **Tsukishima Kei:** fucks sake fine i'll stay

 

 **Oikawa Tooru:** whipped

 

 **Tsukishima Kei:** shhhhhh fool

 

**Oikawa Tooru set Kageyama Tobio's name as dumb big**

 

 **dumb big:** h

 **dumb big:** huh

 

**dumb big set Hinata Shouyou's name as dumb small**

**dumb big set Oikawa Tooru's name as vanity by christina aguilera**

**dumb big set Tsukishima Kei's name as glasses**

 

 **dumb small:** GASP

 **dumb small:** T OBIO HOW DARE YOU SET MY NAME AS THIS

 

 **vanity by christina aguilera** : aww, you're matching~

 

 **dumb big:** yeah that's kinda the point asshat

 

 **vanity by christina aguilera** : oka y??? no need to be rude!

 

 **glasses:** nah there's a need

 

 **vanity by christina aguilera :** >:0

 

**Nishinoya Yuu set their name as noyeehaw**

 

 **noyeehaw:** HENLO FOOLS YOU'RE FAVOURITE IS HERE <33333333

 

 **dumb small:** N O Y A

 

 **noyeehaw:** H I N A T A

 

 **glasses:** your*

 

 **Kuroo Tetsurou:** shhh dont ruin this beautiful moment kei

 

 **glasses:** no

 

 **Kuroo Tetsurou:** respect your elders

 

**glasses has kicked Kuroo Tetsurou from the chat!**

 

 **Bokuto Koutarou:** JDHGEUJJSWH 

 **Bokuto Koutarou:** WHTA A WAY TO GOO

 

 **glasses:** goo...

 

 **Bokutou Koutarou:** mmmm goo,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, yummmy

 

 **glasses:** MMMM DICKS OUT FOR GOO

 

 **dumb big:** HUH

 

 **Yamaguchi Tadashi:** TSUKI

 

 **Sugawara Koushi:** WHAT THE FUCK TSUKISHIMA

 

**Bokuto Koutarou set their name as Bokutowl**

 

 **Bokutowl:** IM GONNA GOOO~~~~~~~~~~

 

 **dumb small:** blease….,,,,,,,,,,, stop;

 

 **Sugawara Koushi added Kuroo Tetsurou to the chat**! ****

**Sugawara Koushi:** @Kuroo Tetsurou @Akaashi Keiji @vanity by christina aguilera  control your fucking boyfriends

 

 **Akaashi Keiji:** NO

 **Akaashi Keiji:** DONT TAG TOORU AND TETSU WHAT THE FUCK HAVE YOU DONE

 

 **Sugawara Koushi:** a service for the people?

 

 **Kuroo Tetsurou:** IM GON CUMBUST

 

 **vanity by christina aguilera** : SPLOO?!?!

 

 **Sugawara Koushi:** oh. nvm I see what I did wrong

 

 **Bokutowl:** sploo is the sound of my goo

 

 **dumb big:** WHY

 

 **glasses:** me: mmm 

 **glasses:** them: you like that bby

 **glasses:** me: IM GONNA SKOODALOO

 

 **dumb big:** SKOODALOO

 

 **Akaashi Keiji:** KEI WHY 

 

 **Sugawara Koushi:** h

 

 **Sawamura Daichi:** HUH

 

 **Kuroo Tetsurou:** KEI IM GONNA PISS

 

 **vanity by christina aguilera :** me, getting pounded: ah I can feel the goo

 **vanity by christina aguilera** : them: wh-

 **vanity by christina aguilera** : me: AH IM GONNA SKOODALOO~

 

 **Tanaka Ryuunosuke:** oh my fucking gOD 

 

 **noyeehaw:** I CAN FEEL THE GOO FEWDOKLJNFVBHJE

 

 **dumb big:** _HINATA RUN_

 

 **dumb small:** did someone say my name

 **dumb small:** oh

 **dumb small:** oH OH OH NO

 

**Sawamura Daichi set their name as dadchi**

**dadchi set Sugawara Koushi's name as sugamomma**

 

 **dadchi:** stop it.

 

 **noyeehaw:** I WOULD CRY AT HOW CUTE THAT IS BUT IM CURRENTLY FUCKING SCREAMING

 

 **vanity by christina aguilera :** me: im gonna goo~

 **vanity by christina aguilera** : them: wh

 **vanity by christina aguilera** : me: I-i'm gonna skoodaloo~~~

 **vanity by christina aguilera :** them: sk-

 **vanity by christina aguilera** : me: LOONY TOONS~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

 **glasses:** klsjdeb fuck

 

 **Bokutowl:** LOONY TOONS TOORU WHAT

 

 **Ennoshita Chikara:** delete

 

 **glasses:** me: YOU FUCKING GET IT BITCH BOY? HUH? IM GONNA LOONY TOONS? DOGGY SOGGY? RA RA OO LA LA?

 

 **Kuroo Tetsurou:** why'd you say my nickname foR THAT

 

 **Ennoshita Chikara:** BITCH BOY IS YOUR NICKNAME

 

 **glasses:** way to expose yourself, bitch boy

 

 **dumb big:** im begging you,,,,,,,,,stop

 

 **Akaashi Keiji:** w

 

 **glasses:** … eyes emoji

 

 **Ennoshita Chikara:** why did you type eyes emoji,,,,,

 

 **glasses:** fuck off emoji

 

 **Kuroo Tetsurou:** do it

 

 **Akaashi Keiji:**...

 

 **dadchi:** dont

 

 **dumb big:** dont

 

 **Ennoshita Chikara:** dont

 

 **Azumane Asahi:** dont

 

 **Yachi Hitoka:** dont

 

 **Shimizu Kiyoko:** dont

 

 **dumb small:** dont

 

 **Tanaka Ryuunosuke:** weak bi tcheds im gonna DARE you fool

 

 **Akaashi Keiji:** me: mmm skoodaloo your bbq sauce in me papa

 **Akaashi Keiji:** them: what

 **Akaashi Keiji:** me: I want ur goo!

 **Akaashi Keiji:** them: 

 **Akaashi Keiji:** me: uGH IM GONNA SPLOINK

 

 **noyeehaw:** OH MY FUCKING HGECIUWOPLKNJHUWEIDOK HOLHYFV SHIGT

 

 **dumb big:** SPLOI NK

 

 **Kuroo Tetsurou:** A! IM PISSING YOUR PANTS OH MY GOD

 

 **dadchi:** Christ.

 

 **glasses:** a.....I lobe uyo 

 

 **Yamaguchi Tadashi:** he's in tears and he's sjhakking

 

 **Akaashi Keiji:** after I sent that first one I knew it was a mistake because I saw over 10 people writing their responses at once

 

 **sugamomma:** hmm one question akaashi

 

 **Akaashi Keiji:**? 

 

 **sugamomma:** what the fuck?

 

 **dadchi:** all five of you. tsukishima, akaashi, kuroo, oikawa and bokuto. do any of you take criticism?

 

 **glasses:** no

 

 **vanity by christina aguilera :** nah

 

 **Bokutowl:** nope!

 

 **Kuroo Tetsurou:** I didnt even do anything

 

 **Akaashi Keiji:** yeah actually

 

 **dadchi:** Please, just don't do it ever again. We have a Hinata.

 

 **noyeehaw:** damn,,,,,,,,grammar done got pulled out,,,,yall really got him fucked up in this starbucks

 

 **Ennoshita Chikara:** yo this is a starbucks?

 

 **Tanaka Ryuunosuke:** hi welcome to starbucks what you want

 

 **Ennoshita Chikara:** uhhh can I get a fuckinf uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh burger extra cheese

 

 **Tanaka Ryuunosuke:** sir this is a starbucks. we don't sell burgers.

 

 **Kuroo Tetsurou:** JDHJSDF

 

 **Ennoshita Chikara:** what you mean you dont sell burgers

 

 **Tanaka Ryuunosuke:** we sell paninis 

 

 **dumb big:** no,,,,,

 

 **Yachi Hitoka:** U G H M Y C A R D I A C A R R E S T

 

 **Ennoshita Chikara:** you think I know what a panini is?

 

 **glasses:** im-

 

 **sugamomma:** DJKEHGHDIU

 

 **Yamaguchi Tadashi:** TSUKI IS LITERALLY GASPING FOR AIR IM-

 

 **vanity by christina aguilera :** if yall could hrea me rightttt now ysall; woudl knwo hwo mucuh pain im in from luhging

 

 **Ennoshita Chikara:** now give me that burger extra cheese

 

 **Tanaka Ryuunosuke:** no we dont have burger extra cheese

 

 **Ennoshita Chikara:** YOU DONT UNDERSTAND I NEED THIS

 

 **Tanaka Ryuunosuke:** NO

 

 **vanity by christina aguilera :** fcuk

 

 **dumb small:** he n eeds that bruger extra cheese tanaka

 

 **Tanaka Ryuunosuke:** sir im gonna have to ask you to leave

 

 **Ennoshita Chikara:** WHY ARE YOU SUPPRESSING FOOD FROM THE PUBLIC

 

 **dumb big:** I dont know whee I am

 

 **dumb small:** whee

 

 **dumb big:** shut th edfifck up;

 

 **Narita Kazuhito:** what the HECk did I walk into

 

 **Bokutowl:** im  crying

 

 **Narita Kazuhito:** what happenedn

 

 **Tanaka Ryuunosuke:** can I get you a caramel macchiato 

 

 **Ennoshita Chikara:** yeah ill have a burger extra dip

 

 **noyeehaw:** give hi m the fucking bruger tananka

 

 **Tanaka Ryuunosuke:** SIR THIS IS A STARBUCKS NOT A MCDONALDS THE MCDONALDS IS ACROSS THE STREET

 

 **Ennoshita Chikara:** THEYRE GONNA TAKE MY LIFE IF I DONT GET THIS

 

 **Yamaguchi Tadashi:** DIEKMFNBHJWQIS;LDKEJNHBWEIOKJD 

 

 **dumb small:** _THEYRE GONNA KILL HIM TANAKA_

 

 **Tanaka Ryuunosuke:** SIR YOU'RE AT THE WRONG STORE

 

 **Ennoshita Chikara:** HELLO?

 

 **dumb big:** _h e l l o_

 

 **noyeehaw:** I CANT

 

 **Azumane Asahi:** sir what do you want

 

 **noyeehaw:** A SAHI

 

 **Tanaka Ryuunosuke:** he's taking on the responsibility,,,,,,a very brave man,,,,

 

 **Ennoshita Chikara:** I would like a burger.

 

 **Narita Kazuhito:** oh my god

 

 **Azumane Asahi:** okay,,,,

 

 **Tanaka Ryuunosuke:** I NEED TO GET THE MANAGER

 

 **Ennoshita Chikara :** **_C O M P O U N D_ **

 

 **vanity by christina aguilera :** SHUT UOLRFEYIWUOQIPOWDEJH

 

 **dumb small:** W H A T

 

 **Tanaka Ryuunosuke:** sir do you want to speak to the manager

 

 **Azumane Asahi:** he's ordering from the Æther 

 

**Ennoshita Chikara: _CAN I GET A FUCKING UHHHH_**

 

 **Azumane Asahi:** N O

 

 **noyeehaw:** is it over fbrhe

 

 **dumb big:** I have no words

 

 **sugamomma:** I literally have zero fucking clu e as to who I am anymore

 

 

* * *

 

**Kuroo Tetsurou added Kozume Kenma and others to the chat!**

 

 **Kuroo Tetsurou:** Ken i'm gonna piss tell them

 

 **Yamaguchi Tadashi:** KENM A

 

 **Kozume Kenma:** hi

 

 **Haiba Lev:** hELLO

 

 **Yaku Morisuke:** NO

 

**Kozume Kenma set their name as Kaneki Kenma**

**Kaneki Kenma set Yamaguchi Tadashi name as whose yams**

 

 **Kaneki Kenma:** ok so you know how I wear fake nails sometimes

 **Kaneki Kenma:** yeah well I currently have. sharp long red nails :)

 

 **dumb big:** give me them trick bitch

 

 **Kaneki Kenma:** fuck you

 **Kaneki Kenma:** yeah well I posted a pic on snapchat and some guy. messaged me calling them sexy. quote: 'ur nails r supr sexy snd pics'

 

 **dumb big:** wHAT DOES THAT MEAN

 

 **glasses:** mm sexy nails you got there kenma

 

 **Kaneki Kenma:** thank you you beautiful bastard

 

 **Kyoutani Kentarou:** finger him

 

 **Yahaba Shigeru:** dont do that

 

**vanity by christina aguilera:[sexy nails](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YYuZW0wl78s)**

 

 **Kuroo Tetsurou:** FKJUFDUIOEKWDJNHJ WHAT

 

 **Bokutowl:** NANAAJJAJ 

 **Bokutowl:** FUCK

 **Bokutowl:** FULL VOL W/ EARPHONES IM FINNA YEET

 

 **vanity by Christina aguilera:** JAJDJSJDJDJD THATS THE BOY WHEN U FINGER HIM WITH UR SEXY NAILS KENMA

 

 **Kuroo Tetsurou:** IM FGONNA PASS OUT

 

 **dumb big:** THAT VIDEO SENT ME IM-------

 

 **Kaneki Kenma:** I-

 

 **whose yams:** OIKAWA I CANT BREATHE

 

 **Bokutowl:** Kenma call him dirty boy

 

 **vanity by Christina aguilera** : eat his eyelashes he'll squoof in seconds 

 

 **dumb big:** S Q U O O F

 

 **vanity by Christina aguilera:** GUY: so yeah I was having lunch with my parents an-

 **vanity by Christina aguilera** : KENMA: wow, you dirty dirty boy

 

 **Bokutowl:** T OORU

 

 **Kyoutani Kentarou:** GUY: h- KENMA: lemme show u how to squoof in seconds

 

 **vanity by Christina aguilera:** GUY: uh,,,,yeah as I was saying,,,,and then we were getting my sister a birthday present-

 **vanity by Christina aguilera** : KENMA: well well, I wasn't expecting you to be so naughty

 

 **Bokutowl:** TOORU I CANT FUCKINHG BELEIVBE

 

 **Kaneki Kenma:** this isn't realistic. if anyone was gonna say this stuff it'd either be: Kuroo, Bokuto, Tsukishima or Kageyama taking the piss.

 **Kaneki Kenma:** actually you know what fuck you oikawa- you would be the one to say it.

 

 **Kuroo Tetsurou:** maybe they snapped

 

 **sugamomma:** o

 

 **vanity by Christina aguilera:** guy: u have sexy nail- WHAT THE FUCK

 **vanity by Christina aguilera** : me: haha where did they go

 

 **Kuroo Tetsurou:** H

 

 **glasses:** HAHA WHERE DID THEY GO

 

 **dumb big:** MNDHEI3KJHRF

 

 **Iwaizumi Hajime:** S H I T T Y K A W A WHAT THE  _FUCK_ ARE YOU DOING

 

 **vanity by Christina aguilera:** right now? hmm see I wish I could say kei but :/

 

 **glasses:** shut up

 

 **Akaashi Keiji:** guy: u have sexe nayls

tooru: if you like them so much you can have them :)

guy, next day on the toilet: how did they get there

 

 **sugamomma:** DONT ENCOURAGE THEM

 

 **Bokutowl:** A I LOVE YOU

 

 **Kuroo Tetsurou:** IM GONA SCRMSNSBWEDJHGUI

 

 **noyeehaw:** WHGT TEH FUCK

 

 **vanity by Christina aguilera:** OH

 

 **dumb big:** A K A A S H I

 

 **Kaneki Kenma:** wh-

 

 **Kyoutani Kentarou:** _**INSTANT P A I N** _

 

 **Haiba Lev:** :0

 

 **Tanaka Ryuunosuke:** IM FUCKIGN DOENBFGEHRUIW3OEKJDEHQE

 

 **Yachi Hitoka:** letS CHOOSE OUR STRIPPER NAMES

 

 **Tanaka Ryuunosuke:** WH AT

 

 **noyeehaw:** lil' ass

 

 **Kuroo Tetsurou:** big bussy

 

 **Kyoutani Kentarou:** throb knob

 

 **Yachi Hitoka:** JKHDFUIJEOWJ

 

 **vanity by Christina aguilera:** I M LAUGJTHDNDNDN INCANT VRETAH

 

 **noyeehaw:** kenma's name would be kinky nails

 **noyeehaw:** tagline: i'm gonna nail you

 

 **Kuroo Tetsurou:** FUCK

 

 **whose yams:** IMAGING MY BOYFRIEND AS A STRIPPER ISN'T NEW TO ME BUT-------

 

 **Kuroo Tetsurou:** WHAT

 

 **Kaneki Kenma:** TADASHI

 

 **glasses:** I deadass--------------

 

 **sugamomma:** YAMAGUCHI

 

 **Shimizu Kiyoko:** eat my ass its taco tuesday

 **Shimizu Kiyoko:** wrong chat

 

 **glasses:** w

 

 **Akaashi Keiji:** HUH

 

 **Shimizu Kiyoko:** hm?

 

 **Akaashi Keiji:** H U H

 

 **dumb big:** im setting nicknames

 

**dumb big set Azumane Asahi's name as asahole**

 

**glasses set Akaashi Keiji's name as huh**

**glasses set Kuroo Tetsurou's name as kitten**

 

 **glasses:** carry on

 

 **dumb big:** thanks

 

****dumb big set** Haiba Lev's name as Russian spy bot**

**dumb big set Yaku Morisuke's name as yucku**

**dumb big set Shimizu Kiyoko's name as im lesbian**

**dumb big set Yachi Hitoka's name as I thought you were japanese**

 

 **dumb small:** THEYRE MATCHIN GDHEUIRO

 

****dumb big set Ennoshita Chikara's name as ennoshit** **

****dumb big set Tanaka Ryuunosuke's name as who are ryuu** **

****dumb big set Kinoshita Hisashi's name as kin o' shit** **

****dumb big set Narita Kazuhito's name as kazuhoe** **

****dumb big set Kyoutani Kentarou's name as delinquent** **

****dumb big set Yahaba Shigeru's name as yahabye** **

****dumb big set Iwaizumi Hajime's name as iwait** **

****dumb big set Matsukawa Issei's name as matsukill** **

****dumb big set Hanamaki Takahiro's name as hana montana** **

 

 ** **hana montana:**** a naming queen

 

 **dumb big:** you know it ;)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> follow me on twitter: @ kneeshinoya  
> <3 thankies for reading fools


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